Monday, July 09, 2007

Random Stories of the last Week

A bunch of rather bizarre occurrences happened to me over the last few weeks, and I thought I would take the time out of my busy day to share them with you, my loyal reader.

Lets begin with Drunk Metro Girl, a fable about a girl, on the metro, not even the tiniest bit sober.

What makes this story so interesting (or bizarre, or both), is the setting. It takes place between the Foggy Bottom metro stop and McPherson Square. At around 8:45 in the morning. The train was crowded, but not packed. For most of the ride she was just standing, staring at nothing with a smile fixed on her face. She was standing next to the right-hand exit, i was standing across from her, on the left.

For a while, I thought she was high on meth or some equally worthless street drug. (While not homeless, this woman was obviously not well dressed, she was also probably early 20's).

Between Farragut West and McPherson Square, the train stopped--not an uncommon event given the frequency of trains running in the morning. Our protagonist immediately begins shouting "head on!" to the whole car. For a while, I didn't understand what she was saying, then suddenly it clicked.

She was cackling, literally cackling like an old evil witch in between her bouts of shouting. Then, and I can't say when the rest of the car figured out, i realized she was hoping for a head-on collision of trains. Wow.

Finally the train starts moving again, and we pull into McPherson Square. She looks disappointed. She sets out a sigh signaling her disappointment that we are all still alive. As the first person off, Our Heroine informs me that I am not worthy to get off. Pushing past her, I may or may not have made a comment about her level of intoxication and what time it was. She may or may not have jumped out of the train, yelled "What the fuck did you just say to me" and then get at least part of her body (I heard her yell "Oh Shit") stuck in the closing doors. The very same doors that the voice of the Metro tells you to stand clear of.

There's no real good end to this story, so I'm just going to stop it here. It amused me, and really, that's all that matters.

Story #2, much shorter, and once again, more of an anecdote than a story:
A Loan to a Homeless Man

I was walking down the street the other day, when this man I know to be homeless asked me if he could borrow 50 cents. Though I just kind of shrugged my shoulders in that "no" kind of way, I had a couple questions I was dying to ask.
  1. Do you have any collateral to put up for this loan?
  2. Do you have a cosigner?
I also planned to ask for his personal information to perform a credit check, but alas, I never got around to any of these things.

Closing up my delightful anecdote, I wonder if he has better luck "borrowing" money than he does just asking for hand outs.

Then again, who am I to judge, maybe he does really give it back.

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