Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Can Atheists have Morals?

I came across this delightful little web poll yesterday at work. My boss asked me to look up an email address for this radio station, so I go to the website in an attempt to find it, and instead, this pops up on my screen.

News Radio Fox, as it turns out, is a conservative radio station in none other than southeast Texas. A big banner that is smack dab in the middle of the web page asks you to vote in this ridiculous survey. So I clicked on it, voted that yes, atheists can have morals, and found out that I was in the minority. By a lot. Kind of appalled, I googled morals, and found out that morals are an "ethical motive: motivation based on ideas of right and wrong" (from Princeton Wordnet) .

Can an atheist have morals. News Radio Fox is essentially asking the people of southwest Texas (and me) if people who do not believe in God can still have a concept of right and wrong. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the bible is the only source of ethical standards in America today.

I really just find the whole exercise depressing. And not just because they spelled "atheist" wrong. By suggesting that atheists cannot have morals, they are implying that atheists are not people. This is why Radical Middle Easterners want to kill us. When a society belittles a sub sect, the whole society is lessened.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Fair and Balanced?

This is the commercial for a new show on the Fox News Channel. And they have the nerve to call themselves fair and balanced. OK, now I really have to go write my paper.

An Addendum to the Previously Posted Open letter.

I forgot about this gem, and I guess I'm only posting it because I don't believe that it's true.
"The grammar is terrible. Sentences range from run-on to stunted and awkward"
Really, you think I have a problem with my grammar, maybe I should read it a little more thoroughly and carefully, but then again who has the time to do such things as that. Maybe you do. Maybe go fuck yourself.

I have good grammar, you pompous bullshit artist. If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't be so mad about that comment.

P.S. (that stands for post script, but I'm sure you already knew that)
Next time, please stop using so many $5 words. Especially in your case, 50-cent words work just fine. Ass.

Monday, February 12, 2007

An Open Letter to the person who peer-edited my paper.

Dear Asshole,

The purpose of constructive criticism is to help a person get better at their paper, not by jabbing at them to make yourself feel better.
"The tone of your paper is completely inappropriate. This is not intended to be a conversation with your boss...If you had actually composed this paper in the workplace you would be fired."
Sir, you are poorly mistaken. The purpose of this school is not to get a degree in writing Legalese, and boring inter-office memos that get placed into the circular file without so much as a second glance.

I would be fired if I wrote something like this? I have written something like this before. Actually several times. Uh oh, that was a fragment sentence, I guess my blog should be deleted. Guess what? I wasn't fired! My boss read it, and liked it!

But wait, you say, I am using a completely incorrect tone. My sentence structure isn't perfect, and I'm using *gasp* colloquial phrases. But in college, they taught us to only use bland, semi-articulate language so that the reader decides it's a better use of his time to wipe his ass with the paper than finish it.

You often mention a study that I cite throughout the FIRST DRAFT OF MY PAPER. Odd, I didn't mention any study while I was writing it, nor did I find any reference to a study when I re-read it.
"Your paper is riddled with things such as this."
How can my paper be riddled with anything?

In case you cannot read that, let me help you out. "Damaged throughout by numerous perforations or holes." I wish I knew what was riddling my paper, but because you didn't define the pronoun in the sentence, I guess we'll never know. Because the document sure as shit wasn't full of holes.
"An example is the statement of liberal or conservative bias in your two media sources. This is not a given. Did someone prominent say this?"

That's a valid point you make, I didn't explain whether my news sources had a purported liberal or conservative slant. TOO FUCKING BAD ITS THE NEW YORK TIMES AND FOX NEWS. Have you had your head in the sand for the last 18 to 21 years of your miserable life. Everybody prominent says this. In case you're still lost, The New York Times has a liberal slant, and Fox News has a conservative bias. Fascinating use of language right there, slant vs. bias, but I'll discuss that in another post.

Quite simply, if you don't know by now that The New York Times is left leaning and Fox News is right, then you do not deserve to go to this school any longer.

Let me now take the time to reiterate what I just wrote. I learned how to do this in third grade for the 5 paragraph essay prompts. I don't like doing this in my papers, which you pointed out, because it's repetitive, and guess what? I already said everything I'm about to say in the conclusion.

In conclusion, go fuck yourself, you pompous, arrogant fuck. Maybe if you took the time to grow a pair and get out of your one track 'Scholarly Research Paper' mentality that is about as narrow-minded as George Bush's Iraq strategy, we could be friends.

But until then, I hate you.

Sincerely Yours,

Jordan Weil.

Something I Think we all already knew....

A buddy told me about this the other day, I find it humorous.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Golf Lesson, or Wishful Thinking

"You are gripping the club too tightly" said the pro.

"Well, what should I do?" asked the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's
Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards
straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife
the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson.

The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and
said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asked the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and,
THUMP! -- the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.

"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said. "Now,
lets get that club out of your mouth and into your hands..."