Life Sucks

Probably the last YouTube post for a while. But this kills me. Probably doesn't promote the right reasons for drinking but promotes drinking nonetheless. Good fight, good night.

Old iPod Commercial

I think this might be the first iPod Commercial. It seems like it came out so long ago, yet it was only five years. I don't know if anyone at Apple thought iPods were going to get as big as they did. Thought this was pretty cool.

On a side note, I'm becoming increasingly technologically advanced in my blog. Look, a video! And not yesterday I discovered how to make a link pop into a new window! Wow, these internets really are pretty neat. Anyway I noticed that recently I've been posting more than I usually do. I don't really know why.

Done.

Matthew Lesko's An Idiot

"You've never seen a book so easy to use!" is a direct quote from Matthew Lesko (I figured out how to make links pop up into new windows). You might remember this character as the guy who has all those crazy commercials promoting "free money".

This sentence is similar to Lewis Black's example: "I never would have spent that year in college if it wasn't for my horse". What is wrong with you, Matthew Lesko? And why do I want to keep spelling your name Matthew Lesco?

You've never seen a book so easy to use. Are you retarded? A book so easy to use? I have to assume that someone besides Matthew Lesko looked at the script before he made the commercial. I assume someone saw the commercial in post-production before it hit the air. So I think it's fair to say that this was not a script error.

I can't get over this. A BOOK so easy to USE. I can see it now. You order your fresh copy of whatever his book is called, pull it out of the box (did he get the government to pay the postage), but wait, is the book broken? You just cannot figure out how to use it. You look in the box again; salvation! The instruction manual.

Step 1. Hold book in hands. For proper operation, ensure book is in the upright position
Step 2. With left hand, grasp top cover and tug in an arcing motion from right to left.
Step 3. Look down at text. Read.
Step 4. When all text has been read on page, take hand, and in similar arcing motion to cover, turn page. Repeat as needed.

Holy retarded dogshit, Batman! It really is the easiest book to operate I've ever seen! Matthew Lesko, I am hereby submitting your name to Keith Olbermann's 'Worst People in the World' bit on MSNBC. As soon as I figure out how.

In conclusion, I have misspelled Matthew Lesko's name every time I've typed it (including that one), therefore Matthew Lesko, you should rename yourself to Matthew Lesco.

Christmas Party

OK, so it wasn't that big, but I had a Holiday Party the other day, and I figured that it was finally time to write about it. It's only been like two weeks. Or three. Plus it was just Christmas, therefore I find it timely.
It was a holiday attire themed party. Men had to wear either Christmas sweaters or cocktail party and women the same. We had a laisez-faire economy with drinks. You give me $5 and I get you drunk. This for that, get it? To be honest with you, I've been having more fun with the pictures than the actual post, so you're kind of getting fucked if you want to hear about the party.
Anyway, a metric shitload of people showed up, we went through all of our booze (and then some), and many a people got fairly intoxicated (an understatement). Sangster (left) left his bow tie (pictured right) in my room. I'm not going to apologize about the poor quality of the writing on the pictures. You try doing that with a touch pad, and tell me how it goes. As a side note, I notice that all my posts recently have been late at night. Anyway, I'm going to bed.

Syriana

I just finished watching Syriana for the first time. I must admit, I really enjoyed the movie. However, I have to point out that this is definitely the kind of film that you need to watch more than once to fully understand it. Part of the problem is the fact that the movie's set up more like a book than a motion picture--with several story lines that begin completely separated then slowly come together in the end.

Excellent cinematography, beautiful scenery, and the director had a great selection of cut sequences. It is interesting to point out that George Clooney appeared to have put on a considerable amount of weight for this role, and even changed his stride to fit the character. Overall his acting was clean and convincing except the torture sequence. Yeah, he gets tortured, no it doesn't look convincing. If you haven't seen the movie and still want to, then maybe you should pick up my blog at the next entry--though it's not like I'm telling you that Bruce Willis was dead in the Sixth Sense.

I've fucked up my fingernails before, and let me tell you, shit hurts. A lot. Getting ten of them pulled out with a pair of nail pulling pliers (interestingly enough their actual name, look it up) would probably leave you in enough pain to make it difficult to utter a one liner to your accuser.

So that was pretty much my big qualm with the movie. Syriana shows an in depth look at the intense corruption of the oil industry, and how America will do what it takes to keep ourselves on top. It touches into the causes of Muslim extremism, and how the American government is more concerned with keeping the supply going than fostering democracy in the Middle East. As Danny Dalton said, "Corruption is why we win."

I really liked the ending. It came very fast and very hard, and wasn't your typical uplifting Hollywood ending. Syriana, like our foreign policy leaves the viewer with a lot of unanswered questions, and untied knots. Definitely a movie I'll see again, if for no other reason to try and understand the part of the plot that I missed the first time. Highly recommended.

The Iraqi Horror Picture Show

What are we still doing there?

Iraq Police Deaths 'hit 12,000' (from bbc.com)

Killer Apps

It has recently occurred to me that the meaning of the phrase "killer apps" has fundamentally changed. Maybe it's because I've been reading too much On Language by William Saffire, but this idea just kinda popped into my head the other day, and I thought I would share it with you lovely people. I've thrown something together in Photoshop to illustrate my point. (Click on the picture to make it bigger, as always)
By now, I'm sure you know what I mean. You used to go to a cocktail party and comment on the killer apps that the host made. Or got catered. Regardless, it meant that the appetizers happened to be pretty good. Then along came Al Gore and his "The Internet". All of a sudden, computers are becoming more important than food, and people are playing World of Warcraft (if you don't know, click) for 12 hours straight. So now people go to computer parties, and await the release of the next "killer app" while eating what are potentially delicious hors d'oeuvres. This has been another educational lesson brought to you by A Clean, Well Lighted Place, makers of Frank's Homicidal Ointment. Thanks for reading, and we hope to see you soon.

Windows Vista

Okay, you caught me, I'm a big tool. Shocking, I know. But anyway, I was trawling the New York Times, and I came across this David Pogue movie about Microsoft's new operating system, Windows Vista. It's disturbingly amusing, and I highly recommended it.

Click Here to watch. You don't need to be an IT guy to get a chuckle out of it.

Stalling Part Deux

Okay, let's see how much I've gotten done since my last post. Oh right, nothing. Anyway, during my nothingness, I happened to stumble upon my friend's blog. Relentless is a highly quality composition that I can best describe as the trials and tribulations of a high school senior.

It really is amazing that not even two years ago, this was me. Well that's not true. Less than two years ago, I was a much less insightful more caddy version of this. Now that's not particularly amazing at all.

I wish I could say that all the pressure and stress of high school will go away when you graduate. But let's be honest. College isn't exactly a breeze, and I sometimes feel that we party so hard only to blow off all the accumulated steam from the week. And then work. Work sucks, there's no way around it. But, using the Nuremburg defense, it pays the mortgage.

I'm just bitching because I really don't want to finish writing this paper. Shit. I'm going to run to 7Eleven (or is it Seven11) to get another Redbull.

Done.

Gigantic Taxi

This post is going to be really short because I have a paper due tomorrow that I'm procrastinating on horribly.

Walking back to my room tonight, I saw something I never saw before. It was a cab, but not any ordinary cab. You see, this cab was a stretch limo. It was dressed in typical D.C. cab fashion (i.e. it was that drab gray color, had the TAXI light on top, and had the name of the driver, it was something like M.Ahmadinejad Cab Company).
The bastard was also driving in typical D.C. cab fashion (i.e. too fast for me to take a picture). Now I know that unlike real cities such as New York, Washington doesn't require cabs to conform to any particular standard. That's why you see the Jeep cabs and the Suburban cabs (don't forget the two-door Dodge Intrepid cabs, but come on now, a stretch limo cab? Now that's just a little ridiculous.

Well I have nothing else really to say about that. Stay tuned for the "I Recently Hosted a Kick-Ass Party" post and the "Really Fat Pigeons" post as well.