Ben and Jerry's decides against 'Mother's Milk' flavored Ice Cream

I wonder who in PETA (that's the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) decided that it would be a good idea to send a letter to Ben and Jerry (formerly of Ben & Jerry's, now of Unilever) suggesting that they completely transition from cow milk to breast milk.  Either they completely didn't think this through (possible) or its just a publicity stunt to get PETA back in the news (probable).

Let's think about this for a second.  First off, let's talk logistics before we delve into the slightly more ludicrous.  Cows provide us with roughly 8 gallons of milk a day.  People produce 40 oz a day--at most.  So for every cow, we'd need nearly 26 women producing at maximum capacity just to equal what a cow averages every day.  Two questions arise:  where would we get these droves of lactating women, and what should they do during the roughly--I don't even know how long it takes to milk a cow (or a person), but that long.

I can imagine gigantic milking facilities, fully stocked with Us Weekly and As The World Turns and I must say, I can imagine how GreenPeace would get pretty angry about that.  The carbon emissions from such a gigantic human milking factory must certainly outweigh the benefits of drinking human milk.

More importantly, ewww.  I already had human milk, and you know what, I kicked that habit years ago.  Maybe because it's gross.  Do the PETA people drink breast milk?  If so, where do they get it from?  And I'm not talking about formula, because you can't make ice cream with formula.

That brings up a new point.  With all these mothers producing flat out to provide Ben and Jerry's with top quality product, what about the children?  Presumably they can't outbid Ben and Jerry's--I mean they're owned by Unilever for Christ sakes--so I'd say its a fair assumption to say that they'd only get second-rate reject milk.  And you know what, that's just not fair.

Could you imagine the baby riots that would occur as a result of this?  "We're not second class citizens" they'd say.  If we oppressed them with sub-par formula, and poor quality breast milk, eventually they'd rise up, probably violently.  And then the uprising would have to be put down, which means babies would end up getting hurt, or worse killed.

And then there would be outrage.  And it would be directed at the politicians who authorized the use of force.  Against babies.  Which means that they would either a. get kicked out of office and be replaced by people whose campaign would be 'baby milk is for babies' or b. institute some kind of Human Milk in Ice Cream ban to save their jobs.  Regardless we'd be right back to cow milk and the net change would be zero.  Except for those poor, needlessly murdered babies

See, PETA, I can come up with ridiculous and outlandish concepts too!

From: AdAge or

Read the original PETA press release

Astrology is not Astronomy / Great Business Plans

I was perusing NME.com today and came across an article (http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/39944) with the headline "NASA commissions rap about Astrobiology." Jonathan Chase, the English born rapper, was selected for this momentous opportunity to accomplish NASA's goal of making "astrobiology easy to understand."

Jonathan Chase had this to say: "Being commissioned by NASA to produce the 'Astrology Rap' was a great compliment."

1) Astrology is not Astronomy. You are now confusing people, making it hard to understand

2) Astrobiology is hard to understand!! Yes, because it is astrobiology.

Dear NASA,

I hope you come to terms that Astrobiology just might be hard for some people to understand. It's ok to be who you are and you should be comfortable with that.

p.s thanks for paying for this video; I particularly liked the dancing green alien and the clip art

Daddy, when I grow up can I be a Toilet-Paper researcher?

Sure, there have been some advancements in the world of toilet paper; more sheets per roll, colors, scented. I speculate that one of the more "important" advancements in toilet paper has been 2-ply. Well, if you thought that was something special then hold on to your hat. wait..

yes, 3-ply toilet paper!!

No, that is not a typo. The amount of plys has increased by 50%. Toilet paper researchers have done it! They have toiled countless hours; dealing with the fiber matrix and the softness scale and have found a way to increase the amount of plys.

For further reading: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26759554/?gt1=43001

Shameless promotion

Class
Demure
Understated

What do these words all have in common? Answer, they do not describe Chad Johnson, WR for the Cincinnati Bengals. Already in this post I have in fact made an error. There is no Chad Johnson anymore; his name is legally changed to Chad Ocho-Cinco; 85 in spanish and it is his uniform number. I very much dislike you Chad Ocho-Cinco.

Gas Prices too motherfucking high

Earlier in the year I wrote a post saying relative to other goods, by the gallon, gas is still a good value. It seems that the tables have turned as P.Diddy reveals in his latest video blog post that he is forced to fly...commercial. Yes, the jet is grounded and American Airlines has earned another passenger. I'm glad that Diddy feels the plight and can relate to the common man. Diddy was even kind enough to offer some advice to "tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down."

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11...but it certainly didn't help

I must say it's really refreshing to see a level of professionalism and modesty in professional basketball, especially among the olympic. Case in point, following the United State's Gold Medal Basketball win under the direction of Coach K, 2004 coach Larry Brown was able to lend some nice words by blaming his loss on injuries...and 9/11.

"We had guys that committed and then all of a sudden 9/11 happened, and then there were injuries" - Larry Brown.

Brown poorly aseembled a team lacking long range shooters and defenders. Perhaps that and personal hubris are to blame among the ever increasing talent in international basketball. Or... it could be 9/11.

Today's Moment of Zen

Brought to you from the world of women's wrestling...ouch.

Also, in the vein of olympic something or another, please check out what might be the most ridiculous sport ever. Men's race walking. All you need is the first 30 seconds or so of the video to get a real flavor of this sport. You'll either find it hilarious or deeply disturbing.
NBC Olympics: Men's 20km Race Walk

Newsflash: Chinese Gymnasts not 16

It would appear that the International Olympic Committee has finally started paying attention to what everyone is saying about the Chinese Women's Gymnastics team at this year's Olympic Games. They've ordered an investigation into the ages of the girls, some of whom might be as young as 14.

Nobody's really sure why the I.O.C. has suddenly begun investigating now, after the gymnastics competition is over. Perhaps it was Nastia Liukin's dad, who was mad that she didn't win gold medals. Or maybe an Olympic official was listening to Bela Karolyi when he semi-coherently stated his opnion on NBC that the Chinese team was entirely too young. You can find the video here. Please watch it, it's hilarious.

Oh? But the Chinese government provided passports to prove that the girls were of age, you say? Isn't this the same government who put some pretty girl out to lip-sync the national anthem, because the singer was too ugly? I think they could whip up a passport or two in their spare time.

But honestly, who cares? Even if the I.O.C. finds wrong-doing--which they probably will, and then subsequently not publicize--nothing will happen. We're going to continue begging China to invest in the dollar and they're going to continue doing whatever the hell they want. Because there's really no point into launching an investigation that will cost time, and money, and will end with no net change.

Source: The New York Times