On Letter Writing and Greeting Card Efficiency

For anyone who knows me and for anyone who doesn't, I have a strong abhorrence for greeting cards. I can’t stand “pre-populated messages” and the simple “insert signature here” that stamps that you approve this message.

I own stationary and a pen is always by my side. There is a casual elegance and grace in writing letters. I firmly believe this stems from the deliberate amount of time it takes to craft a letter and a degree of deference to the art of letter writing. When in receipt of mail there is nothing better than a letter that is handwritten on stationary, devoid of any “pre-populated message.” Letter writing provides this improbable dichotomy of communication that is simultaneously “colloquial and graceful,” “informative and superfluous,” “spontaneous and planned,” and at all times unwittingly familiar.

What I am providing below is an “all-purpose occasion card¹” which can be distributed for all types of occasions. By maintaining a constant supply of these cards which can be quickly distributed you will have more time for writing a proper letter.

Enjoy.

Directions:

Circle all choices that apply. Alternatively cross out all choices that do not apply.
Affix stamp
Fill out address of recipient
Mail








footnotes:

¹by all accounts²this is nine thousand percent more efficient
²Largely scientific^3
3Fact!