On Imminent Domain, Proper iPad Usage, and the Original Mai Tai Recipe

No more than one year ago the concept of thinking about a consolidated online communication strategy for me would be as you would imagine, unimaginable.

Over the past year I have shed my inhibitions of writing online and derision of the format and have fully embraced the blog¹. The unwitting realization I have come to realize in the past ten months is that there is a discernable difference between writing in a series of moleskine notebooks and what I blog about. With the transaction cost of posting on a blog being virtually zero it would be rational to expect that any and all musings would make it to the blog. Contrary to what occurs in my series of notebooks, bar napkins², and regular napkins I have developed a strong sense of self-editing in the blog.

It is my firm belief that an implicit social contract exists between the writer and the reader. It is the writer’s duty to provide the best available content and to publish all the posts that are fit to blog. For every post that appears on the blog exist a series of musings, undeveloped concepts, and long lost ideas As a result the way I am as a writer³ comes very much out of what I want as a reader.

I’ve decided to consolidate my communications in a series of outlets that will be unified by a soon to be determined online domain⁴.

My newly acquired iPad will often be the center-point of my digital communication series. Over the past two weeks I have set-up my iPad to be a unified media manager of music, videos, documents, and nearly any time of digital file you can think of.

I have conveniently linked my iPad to a QNap Raid6 server and to a cloud service allowing me over 10TB of available storage space with multiple drive failure protection with data-duplication to save space⁸. This virtualized setup connects all of my points of contact including my stereo. This very morning I finished the setup uploading a substantial library worth of books, subscriptions to magazines, all of my newspapers, and nearly every piece of media one could want. It was at that moment I packed a small bag complete with a moleskine notebook, my copy of Rimbaud’s Une Saison en Enfer⁹, and the Sunday times and walked no more than twenty-seven blocks to my typical bench at East-River Park where I unpacked and continued to sit for several hours¹⁰.

Footnotes:

¹www.capt-renault.blogspot.com

²My bar napkin musings are often quite informative, include diagrams, and often have a distinct gin aroma

³What really interest me about writing is this exchange between consciousness and this relationship to talk to each other when we otherwise wouldn’t.

⁴ Blog: www.capt-renault.blogspot.com

The blog will continue to contain long form post with a focus on economics and drink recipes

Twitter:

The goal of the twitter will be to document short ideas⁵, musings, jokes, and pictures. I will also use it to communicate with a select number of people I will follow

4Square:

Selectively document where I am and to best geo-locate with my close friends

Website⁶:

The website will provide the host to all the forms of communication and will also feature appendix information, diagrams, and details of any ongoing art projects

⁵Ideas and thoughts are really the greatest thing going

⁶My initial thought was to register www.jasonme.ad⁷

⁷Registering a webpage with an “ad” extension proves to be an issue as I am not an Andorran citizen and would have to register a limited liability corporation within Andorra. While this can all be done online and I enjoy the frivolity of having a holding company in Andorra I don’t believe I want to spend the requested $188 per year for that privilege against my ability to think of something equally clever.

⁸A large motivating factor was just knowing that I could do this

⁹I have yet to find another copy that has the English translation on the left page and the original French on the right page as is this copy that was misappropriate from The George Washington University library

¹⁰As we are beginning to feel the onset of spring I thought it would be appropriate to share a summer cocktail. Under the right setting I rather like summer cocktails. Mai Tai is a Tahitian word for “good” which appropriately describes the drink called the “Mai Tai.” The now-chain restaurant Trader Vic’s claims to have invented the Mai Tai, I am quite suspect of the claim “invented” but I do maintain that they popularized the drink in the United States. The below is the traditional Trader Vic’s recipe:

• 2 ounces of 17-year old J. Wray & Nephew Rum over shaved ice
• Juice from one very fresh lime
• 1/2 ounce Holland DeKuyper Orange Curacao
• 1/4 ounce Trader Vic's Rock Candy Syrup
• 1/2 ounce French Garier Orgeat Syrup
• Shake for no more than 10 seconds
• Pour into an old fashioned glass and garnish with a spring of mint

On Letter Writing and Greeting Card Efficiency

For anyone who knows me and for anyone who doesn't, I have a strong abhorrence for greeting cards. I can’t stand “pre-populated messages” and the simple “insert signature here” that stamps that you approve this message.

I own stationary and a pen is always by my side. There is a casual elegance and grace in writing letters. I firmly believe this stems from the deliberate amount of time it takes to craft a letter and a degree of deference to the art of letter writing. When in receipt of mail there is nothing better than a letter that is handwritten on stationary, devoid of any “pre-populated message.” Letter writing provides this improbable dichotomy of communication that is simultaneously “colloquial and graceful,” “informative and superfluous,” “spontaneous and planned,” and at all times unwittingly familiar.

What I am providing below is an “all-purpose occasion card¹” which can be distributed for all types of occasions. By maintaining a constant supply of these cards which can be quickly distributed you will have more time for writing a proper letter.

Enjoy.

Directions:

Circle all choices that apply. Alternatively cross out all choices that do not apply.
Affix stamp
Fill out address of recipient
Mail








footnotes:

¹by all accounts²this is nine thousand percent more efficient
²Largely scientific^3
3Fact!

My experiences with cobblers and cobblers

In all of my years I have never met a cobbler I did not like. For a man of my age I do believe I have more than the average¹ amount of cobbling demands but that is beside the point. This past weekend I needed the sole on a pair of oxfords repaired so I ambled down avenue A to find a cobbler that had Sunday hours². I stopped in at AK Shoe Repair on East 9th where I was happily welcomed. In all of my years every cobbler I have met has fit this description:

• Under 5 foot 6 inches
• Most likely under 5 foot 2 inches with some sort of hunch from decades of cobbling
• Over 75 years old
• Owns store that has not changed in 50 years
• Works in a dimly lit space with shoe laces and cedar shoe tress covering every last inch of the wall
• Speaks a mumbled version of English where all the consonants seem to blend together
• Oh so nice and definitely someone's grandpa
• Charges $10 dollars for any and all type of work plus $2 for shoe shine
• Extremely proud of work and can’t wait to tell you.

Continually every cobbler I have met has always been so excited to show me the work he has done, whether it is replacing a heel seamlessly, fixing the sole of the shoe, or replacing a heel seamlessly. I’m always waved in to duck down and see the meticulous detail that has been a result of decades of experience and effort. All for which I am then charged ten dollars plus an additional two for the shine.

This is a recipe for blueberry cobbler³ from Thomas Keller’s book Ad-Hoc at Home.

Topping:
1-3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp each: baking powder, baking soda
6 tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk
Filling:
8 cups blueberries
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
Finely grated zest of 1 lemon
Cinnamon sugar:
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

For topping, in medium bowl, stir together flour, baking powder and baking soda.
In large bowl, combine butter and sugar. Using hand mixer, mix on low speed, then beat on medium until mixture is light and creamy, about 2 minutes, scraping down sides as needed. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until fully incorporated. Add flour mixture in 3 batches, alternating with buttermilk in 2 batches. Scrape down sides; mix again to ensure all ingredients are combined.

For filling, in medium bowl, toss blueberries with sugar, flour and zest. Spread in 9- by 13-inch baking dish. Spoon mounds of batter over berries, leaving space between mounds. (Makes about 12 mounds.)

For cinnamon sugar, stir together sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle over batter. Bake in preheated 350F oven 40 minutes or until juices are bubbling and topping is golden and cooked through.

Let stand at least 10 minutes before serving. (Refrigerate leftovers up to 2 days.)
Makes 6 servings.



footnotes:


¹ plus two standard deviations
² cobbler day of rest
³ delicious

On New Year’s Resolutions, Thinking about blogging, and the Weather in Kent

By all accounts we are 10.4% into 2011¹, a point where over half of New Year’s resolutions have already been broken. I had three resolutions this year and by my account I have been successful.

Resolution #1: Curse less and more at the same time

I habitually curse. I easily surpass my cursing quota every quarter. The majority of my cursing is usually ironic and for the sake of comedy. Work presents a problem as it is the place I am compelled to curse the most, but at the same time a well timed fuck this noise doesn’t always play well in the office. Problem.

Sometime between the hours of 2am and 3am eastern standard time during the penultimate week of 2010 I found my answer:

Shazbot

As you of course know shazbot is the curse word used by Mork².

By utilizing shazbot my cursing has taken a logarithmic path. It has tapered to an average of 7 shazbots per hour per work day. I think I can mark this as success thus far. I am about a log base 1,9.




Resolution #2: Utilize schematics more

It makes much more sense than utilizing napkins, I have an abundance of t-squares, and I’ll get more done³. I could store the schematics in the warehouse.

Resolution #3: Find ways to use the phrase “a day late and a dollar short”

No more than 11 days ago I was leaving work when my colleague⁸ was carrying his umbrella the day after it rained and he had been drenched. I pounced on the opportunity but I did not verify if he was in fact a dollar short.



footnotes:


¹ at that point I instinctually typed fiscal year 2011 but corrected myself.

² Of Mork and Mindy fame

³ Although I consider myself to be hyper-productive, my overall production output is hindered by the fact that I am interested in everything all the time and feel the need to constantly begin new projects. In addition to this I am fascinated by design and the environment in which you create in. Often times when I begin conceptualizing⁴ an endeavor I spend an inordinate amount of time conceptualizing the environment I want to create in. What would be the best type of typewriter, where do I get one of those six foot candles, how many warm grey Copic markers is too many, perhaps this would be better done at the park in front of that fountain on that one bench that I like but not the other ones. What this adds up too is by the time I have decided that I am ready I may have already moved onto the next project⁷ leaving the original ideas to live only on the pages of an archived moleskine notebook that no doubt won’t be discovered because I never followed through on that time capsule project.

⁴ The other day I was sitting around drinking a blood and sand⁵ cocktail and was thinking about blogging. I did not blog. I simply thought about the idea of thinking about blogging. I really like blogging but I like thinking about it more. Often I conceptualize the post in my head or a sketch and feel like “I got it” and then there is not point to put it down. I know editing defeats some of the nature of blogging as I am internally editing myself but I think as the co-writer of this blog I have a duty to my reader(s) to provide all the content that is fit to blog and nothing more. My blog post to ideas about blog posts is 1 : 3, my blog posts to times I think about thinking about blog post is 1: 7.

⁵ Blood and Sand is a classic scotch based cocktail. It’s great because it’s suitable for breakfast⁶, a pre dinner drink, or after 2am. Very versatile. This recipe is more on the bitter side than the classic recipe by substituting punt et mes for ross vermouth and using less luxardo maraschino liquor or cherry brandy. I also am using a peated scotch that gives it a smokey flavor and aroma that plays well with the orange juice and cherry.

1 oz Laphroaig
Freshly squeeze juice of one large Valencia orange (approximately 1 oz)
.75 oz of Punt et Mes
.75 oz of Cherry brandy or luxardo maraschino liquor
Dash of orange bitters

Stir with ice in a glass cocktail shaker and strain once or twice through a chinoise or a tea strainer commensurate on your proclivity for orange juice pulp. Pour into a chilled coupe glass or serve with one large ice cube in a rocks glass.


⁶ It has orange juice!


⁷ I have this business idea for a work related fantasy camp. Unlike those rock and roll fantasy camps the job choices would be everyday jobs that we want to do for a week but passed on in our lives for financial and other reasons. One week as a mailman, cop, crooked cop, bakery owner, proprietor of a bed and breakfast, high school math teacher who teaches kids that math is fun. So like that. To be detailed in a post to be named later


⁸This particular work colleague grew up in Kent and now resides in London. It’s predictable but we enjoy discussing the weather. The BBC has tremendously good weather forecast. All of their meteorologist discuss the intricacies of barometric pressure with a sense of ease knowing the connoisseurship of the audience. I brought that up with my co-worker who informed me everyone in England loves talking about the weather and is so well versed in it partially because of weather forecasting being part of the National Curriculum. He described that during your studies a significant amount of time is devoted to forecasting the weather as this fun and informative assignment. Combined with the detail being provided it seems to stick. The BBC news provides me less relevant weather advice but I’m always well prepared for the rain.

On Unnecessary Necessities and Blanche Devereaux

My aesthetic personal has always leaned toward unnecessary necessities; firmly defined as the design points that are superfluous in existence and utterly indispensable. This includes but is not limited to warehouses, improbable shelving, stacks and stacks of books circa 1918, oversized antique French globes, perhaps some vintage rope… to name a few.

As I was combing through back issues of the New York Times, yes I think that is a thing, I stumbled across an article explaining on how Blanche, i speculate she has a real name, has a secret passage. My immediate thoughts jumped between “why don’t I have a secret passage,” “where would it go “and most pressing “why the hell does Blanche have a secret passage and I don’t.”

Blanche’s abode is on the market for $2.25 million and is listed with Brown Harris Stevens. It is a modest three bedroom on a pleasant block off of 1st avenue, although probably not hopping enough for the below sixty set.

In the pantry however was a door disguised as a spice rack. This led to of all things a bathroom. Unfortunately there is no secret lair, no treasure of Al Capone, not even a shrine to Betty White.

The reasons for Blanche having a secret bathroom are probably much more mundane than sinister, and more practical than awesome.

The obvious next question is where my secret passage would go. Similar to my other ideas it gravitates to this concept of entering an undersized door into an oversized room that you didn’t really comprehend existed because spatial relations can be hard sometimes and is sparsely lit and industrially decorated. With all time I would inevitably spend there a bathroom would be both functional and appropriate. And it’s always great for resale value…


References:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/realestate/13deal2.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss

On Architectural Oversight and Aperitifs

In New York City, and I imagine part of the eastern seaboard, it had been snowing continuously for what seems to be no less than fifty-two hours. From what I saw out of window and from what the sushi delivery man relayed to me about the conditions, it is quite bad.

Despite Hector’s diatribe on city’s handling of the snow and the apparent conditions I decided to trek to the office today. After exiting the subway and walking down 53rd street past Park I was thankful to only almost fall no more than four times. Chelsea boots, although quite conducive to my normal assassin down the avenue, are not ideal for snowy pavement. Not really paying attention to anything as I was walking I approached my office building and stepped over a makeshift barrier of yellow caution tape as if that was normal and incredibly appropriate. I then looked around and I was surrounded by this tape and started to think why.

Conventional circumstances would probably cause someone to exit the area and examine the situation but I thought of it as prudent to observe from the inside out, not quite gonzo journalism but I think pretty close. It was then a large clump of snow came hurdling down and struck within the taped in area and exploded like an apache missile sending snow shrapnel in my direction.

I looked up and it was apparent what was happening. The architect clearly did not plan for the snow. Foolish and irresponsible, really. Everything is all in the details.

Let me explain.

My office building on Madison Avenue has a generous curve leading up to a 14th floor deck. From the 14th floor on the building straightens out and is perpendicular with the road. As the snow falls off the 14th floor deck it then hurdles down the ramp that is the curvature of the building and shuttles out into the splash zone.
I spent to long standing acting as a target for the snow. They don’t deserve that chance.

Anyway after finally arriving today it was apparent that I am the only person in the office. I turned on the lights, hung up my coat, and made myself a coffee. Sitting in my office sorting through emails, responding where appropriate, and turning on a copy of Rain Dogs by Tom Waits.

After a light lunch I turned to my bar and contemplated what I would make to drink. My home bar is meticulous arranged and plentiful. A cornucopia of vermouths, bitters, gins, scotch, rums, absinthes, velvet falernum, and most anything you could want. For late nights my bar in the office is appropriately stocked with miniature bottle versions of what I have at home.

Campari is an Italian vermouth with a deep, ruby red color and an appropriate amount of bitterness. The herbs in Campari and many types of vermouth are perfect for the aperitif. The aperitif is the first drink of the evening. It is how you should start not only a meal, but the night.

The aperitif is elegant. The aperitif is infinitely contemporary in its classicalness. The pre-dinner drink stimulates the appetite and conversations, what could be better. There is an implicit grace and civility in drinking with diligence and purpose. A traditional aperitif such as the Negroni is perfect. One drink is more than enough as you then venture on for a meal and have your pre dinner martini, followed by wine, followed by a glass of champagne with dessert, and a digestif.

The Negroni
• 2oz Plymouth Gin
• Slightly less than 2oz of Campari
• Slightly less than 2oz of Italian Vermouth (I enjoy Punt e Mes¹ or a Rosso)

In a cocktail shaker pour all of the ingredients with a few ice cubes and stir gently. This melts a small part of the ice without diluting the drink. In a rocks glass chisel one large ice cube. Traditionally the Negroni is served with an orange but I prefer a lemon twist. Twist the lemon over the ice to release the natural oils and run along the rim of the glass. Pour the stirred ingredients over and serve. The large ice cube is perfect for the purpose of the aperitif as it does not dilute the drink but over the course of conversation where a drink may be neglected it will appropriately soften the drink.


Oh and here is some more of my novel/screenplay

I was not looking forward to going to India but I was surprised when I got there. Just the idea of how many shots you need and the malaria pills really upset me.

-I didn’t take any shots

You didn’t? And then you have to take Malaria pills too.

-Oh, I didn’t take mine

Well I didn’t take mine either but I at least had them with me. Michael took his the entire time and they gave him horrible nightmares.

- To be fair we did buy the pills on the street and the gentleman did inform us that the cheaper pills would give us nightmares.

And then at first you think that monkeys are so incredible and you see them up close, and then you start feeling competitive with the monkeys and you realize they don’t really have your best interest at heart.



¹ Punt e Mes translates to "Point and a half," being about a point of sweetness and a half a point of bitterness. Halfway between Campari and Sweet Vermouth it is preferred for Negroni's adding a plesant savory bitterness

Bored-eaux, Scarf events

I love Bordeaux. I would even venture to say that I subsist on Bordeaux¹. However, the ever increasing prices are deeply troubling me. The finite number of barrels combined with the ever peaking demand is not working in my favor. I have thought about purchasing Bordeaux futures lately. By all accounts it could very well be a good investment and I could preemptively purchase the Bordeaux I no doubt want to consume. Conceivably I could even by enough Bordeaux to satisfy my personal demand and sell the remainder.

The pricing of Bordeaux all begins during the en primeur season of France, occurring annually in early April. The en primeur season is quite the event² for oenophiles. Wine merchants and renowned experts taste young Bordeaux that have yet to be bottled, and in many cases have just finished fermenting⁵. The marks and criticism bestowed by Robert Parker and the like of the wine community regarding a wine that will undoubtedly change complexion and fortitude during the remaining time in the barrel of course has sweeping changes in the financial markets.

The volume of Bordeaux being exported to China has increased nearly 400% over the last decade with the prices following suit. Last year, China passed the U.S. to become Bordeaux's largest non-European export market. The demand for red wine in China, Bordeaux in particular, has transcended the perfunctory bottle with dinner and is an irrefutable symbol of status.



So, thanks China.

Really, thank you for this demand-pull inflation. Collateralized Bordeaux Obligations (CBO) are going through the proverbial chateaux roof and a metaphorical and literal bubble seems to be developing. While many wines are increasing in value nearly 40% have decreased in value from their en primeur pricing. While the speculation is not only with the quality of that year’s harvest, the speculation is also on the quality of the harvest for the next few years. New superior vintages of the substitute good could appear and dramatically drive down the prices. Besides Bordeaux as wines from other regions develop and sell at a lower price the value over the replacement option decreases and pushes down the price of Bordeaux to a rational equilibrium.

And now here are some lines from my upcoming novel:

Have you seen Steven lately?

--Not recently, how is his export business?

I can’t believe how ostentatious he is. He always unbuttons the last button on the cuff of his suit jacket. I can’t stand it.

--I don’t care for that one bit.

It’s quite troubling really.



¹ I subsist on Bordeaux.
² When Tom Baker, the fourth incarnation of Dr. Who³, was cast costume designer “James Acheson picked up a load of wool and asked a knitter called Begonia Pope to knit a scarf for Tom. She inadvertently used all the wool Acheson had given her, resulting in a scarf that was some twenty feet long.” While enjoying the internet I came upon a website⁴ that details the history of Baker’s signature scarf as well as detailed instructions on how to create your own. The website lists the notable scarf events to knit the scarf. I desperately hope scarf event is the proper term for a set of scarf instructions. I do not have the faculty to create such scarf.
³ The producer who had the idea that the Doctor suddenly had to change forms just every so often, or when there was probably a contract dispute, was brilliant. I think we can all agree that David Tennant was an awesome Doctor.
⁴ http://www.doctorwhoscarf.com/index.php
⁵ I made a barrel of wine with two of my friends one summer. We did it in my basement, which ultimately led to our downfall as we did not account for the effect the decreased temperature has on the time it takes proper fermentation to occur. We also kept dropping things into the barrel and had to fish them out with our hands.

NaNoWriMo a Go Go

Eleven days ago it was brought to my attention that November is NaNoWriMo¹, National Novel Writing Month, which is self described as:

“A fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.”

I am going to write a novel².

I’ve never written a novel⁴. I have a collection of short stories, flash fiction, couplets, and one line poems scattered between Moleskine notebooks and collected away in meticulously and chronologically organized set of cardboard boxes.

The constraint of time will be helpful and force me to reject pouring over vernacular, diction, and the minutia of punctuation. I have no real approach other than to sketch out a protagonist. I believe that by a crafting a character with a manner that is natural and unaffected the rest should more or less fall into place.

I will need the following items:
1. Typewriter⁵
2. Bordeaux

Yes.

Here are some one line poems that were written in 214 seconds:

My camera was in a film.
The matter of facts drives railroad tracks.
Field notes joke.
Alabaster alkali, basic.
Blue, grey, I never say.


¹ http://www.nanowrimo.org/
² there may or may not be a t-shirt involved as a prize for completing a novel^3
3 there definitely is
⁴ as far as I know
⁵ I think it goes without saying that it needs to have that really great sound as you hit the keys and a crisp ping when you advance the line^6
6 The Paris Review interview series is unnaproachable, engaging, and an informative view into the craft of writing. Billy Wilder was interviewed a few years prior to his death. His energy jumps off the page. Mr. Wilder describes his process and pulls out a few "meet cute⁷" stories. He recounts them with a dry wit, pride for his work, and a degree of wistfullness.
⁷"Meet Cute" is the contrived encounter of two potential romantic partners. In Wilder's 1938 classic Bluebeard's Eighth Wife, Gary Cooper goes to the department store to pick up a pair of pajamas. He only wants the tops. The floor manager insists the top and bottom are exclusively sold as a set⁸. In comes the pretty girl buying pajamas for her father, whom only wants the bottoms. They look at each other, problem solved.
⁸Gary Cooper acting as the wealthy businessman insists the floor manager call the department store manager. The camera zooms to the store manager being awaken out of bed to answer the phone. The manager shouts about the sheer preposterousness of purchasing just the tops. The camera zooms out to reveal the store manager is in fact wearing only the top. In the Paris Review interview Wilder reveals that this iconic scence was written by frequent collaborator and director Ernst Lubitsch. Wilder talks about how he would always come up with 99% of the scene and Lubitsch would come in and twist it once more. The zoom out of the store manager was Lubitsch.

Anglophile Approximation / Department of Transportation Humor

Three days ago I was accused of being an anglophile¹ at work. I use the word accused because of the tone and connotation that was used. I am satisfied by the assessment.

My homepage is BBC world news, Brit Pop/Rock³ is often emanating from my office, and I think I did mention that the new DB9's⁵ subtle changes enhance an already elegant style.

Outside of the cultural interest what I think is more fitting and telling is the ethos of approaching everyday tasks. I enjoy the approach that is somewhat inflexible in nature to conform to a tradition that is steeped in the correct or optimal way of doing something. The degrees of inflexibility forces one to adapt and more important take the time to think about approach.

Understanding that the larger incremental extra time to properly brew a cup of tea⁶, make a cocktail, and to maintain a degree of chivalry⁷ and demure might only a peripheral difference.

While these last details may be noticed by few, if anyone at all, it is the process that is important. It is the unwavering attention to detail and to craft. It is the focus that yields the benefit.

I was thinking about the Village Green Preservation Society⁸ late last night, or early morning depending on how you look at it. The general theme is about mssing the village green in an English countryside and all the simple people and things we used to know. Sherlock Holmes english speaking vernacular, vaudeville, and strawberry jam to name a few. It's about the details that we would miss and so quickly overlook when we start accepting more and receive less.






location: 5th avenue across from Saks<sup>10

1</sup> Anglophile² n. One who admires England, its people, and its culture
² Ironically the word is french in origin and was first seen in Revue des Deux Mondes in 1867
³ Usual suspects of beatles, rollings stones, stone roses⁴, and the like
⁴ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfzQLZtCZSY
Glastonbury 2011? please, would be epic...
⁵ subtle, clean, distinctive and it even has four seats!
⁶ the detail is all in the brew temperature. I really want this: http://www.brevilleusa.com/tea/one-touch-tea-maker.html
⁷ I've always tried to maintain a degree of manners and sophistication. I think it makes a difference and I enjoy it as well. Handwritten thank you cards are so much better than an email, and it is an apporpriate excuse to maintain a well stocked stationary set, a pen, and an oversized desk
⁸ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syqQdfWO6KY&feature=related^9
9 perfectly sweet and not included on the album. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzpShIhvrjU
¹⁰ I thought about getting a car so I could think about parking there

Why I need an Industrial Warehouse

It has come to my attention, and in quick agreement with Jordan as well, that we probably (absolutely) need an industrial sized warehouse with no less than 20 foot ceilings and 5,000 square feet of above grade space ^1,2.

Over the past 128 hours I have compiled a detailed list in a Moleskine notebook of all the tasks I want to complete by the end of the calendar year, my birthday, and the end of the fiscal year⁵. Many of these projects I can complete in my bedroom, some in my parents yard, but there is a large chunk that probably dictate the need for an industrial warehouse. Also I want to have an office in an industrial warehouse.

In my mind this warehouse is already setup in appropriate (probably the only appropriate) manner as an office. Consisting of:

1. Ceiling height of at least 20 feet
2. One of those large switches that turns on every light in the building at once, with that really awesome noise as the lights cascade across
3. Two large desks in the center (facing each other(Jordan’s and my personal desk))
4. A manual operating elevator would be nice but not necessary
5. Uniformed night watchman with a basset hound (probably asleep nearly all the time (and with that big flashlight)
6. A generator
7. BBC America (HD preferred)
8. Vintage turntable and tube speakers
9. Green accountants lamp
10. Jim Jarmusch riding in circles on a bicycle



I think I can really get a lot done in this environment.

¹ When I originally wrote this post, this was the only sentence, the concept and the necessity seemed self explanatory. It was later brought to attention that this is in fact not the case.
² I’ve also decided to start employing detailed foot notes³ in the steps of David Foster Wallace⁴.
³ Meta-Meta blogs are probably the wave of the future
⁴ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Foster_Wallace
⁵ Fiscal Year ending March 31st. Really only listed so I can have a list of three as I quite rightfully so give a fuck about the oxford comma

Exponential Art...

My desire to create art, my artistic ability, and my availability of time do not line up. My desire is extremely high, my ideas are extremely conceptual, my ability is lacking, and I don’t always have the time available or I become distracted and switch to a different project before completion.

So it occurred to me in a stroke of madness that I should be focusing less on creating art, and focus on creating devices that make art for me. Yes. Now let me preface this with a few things:

1) I do not like automated or computer generated art
2) I don’t like robot art (art made by robots and art with robots as the subject (…for the most part, I saw Bender in this sketch that I liked))
3) I enjoy art that can be tailored to an individual somehow or is based on a set of constraints or determining factors that influence the outcome. Ephemeral, singular, and serendipitous
4) I want art that is in a series or some sort of progression
5) I very much enjoy color field art (Morris Louis, Barnett Newman, Kenneth Noland)

fig 1. Morris Louis

So I’ve devised in my mind and on no more than three pages of a three and a half inch by a five and a half inch Moleskine notebook a rudimentary schematic of how I will do this. I will need nearly all of the following materials:

1) A large amount of Copic markers across the color chart (http://copicmarker.com/)
2) Eighteen inch by twenty four inch paper, no more than 80 gsm
3) Lattice structure to hold markers
4) Wine (Bordeaux (Haut Medoc))
5) Time

So as you, the illustrious reader (…quite the appositive), have surely guessed I will be arranging the markers to be held in the lattice structure as individual pixels that will be pressed down upon 200 sheets of paper. Leaving the markers to bleed over time (I am thinking one month) the ink will continue to draw down into the depths and begin to blend together. Some colors will penetrate deeper, some will blend and some will not, and after a month I will have a progression of prints (a large amount that I will no doubt send to anyone interested) Yes.

But first I need to do some test and some trials. For the first trial I tried some pointillism work with five sheets bundled together and being manually held to the paper for only thirty seconds. I bundled the paper with this set of fun clips that were purchased at Blick Art Materials at around one forty today. They were more effective than fun. When I first started I was very deliberate with the color choice of each dot and spent too long thinking about the difference in color of lilac and pale lilac. Below are the results from the top sheet to the bottom (…Blackberry Bold 9800 1.8x zoom (flash?(I know…horrible picture quality as the real deal is really vibrant(I have a camera but lost the charger)))

So I was able to clearly get to four sheets with only mild color appearing on the fifth sheet. I like the overall aesthetic and particularly the comparison of sheet 2 with sheet 4. With ink traveling to sheet four without any problem at 30 seconds I am interested now to find out how far it will travel after one minute, ten minutes, and one hundred and forty seven minutes.

Optimal Consumer Paper Towel Pricing Strategy

Yesterday I spilled a glass of Bordeaux when I was making an overly dramatic hand gesture as I was conceptualization plans for an unrelated project on an unrelated topic; which by all accounts may take up the next 8 blog post. The time this took place is irrelevant. After cleaning up the spill with the paper towels we had on hand I left the apartment to CVS to pick up more cleaning supplies to support the frequency of drinks I am spilling in my apartment.

The rows of different brands of paper towels of varying ply and prices were neatly arranged in the 23rd street CVS with the premium bounty resting top shelf. To give consumers some guidance on value CVS provided a price per sheet for each roll. This is not an optimal way to judge the value of paper towels. I don’t really care what the price per sheet is, but rather the price per spill. What I want to know is how many spills on average this roll can support. So I purchased the premium Bounty two ply at 1.4 cents per sheet and the cheapest CVS generic brand at .9 cents per sheet, with Bounty costing 55% more for a single role.

I then needed to define a standard unit of measure for spill. To my knowledge “spill” has yet to be accurately defined by Science and is not included on either the New York State Physics or Chemistry reference tables. Taking a survey of the half consumed wine, martini, collins, gin & tonic glasses, and martini glasses scattered across my bedroom I was able to deduce the following:
• My water glasses on average had 8 fluid ounces remaining, high potential for spills due to the high center of gravity and my propensity for clumsiness
• My gin and tonic glasses had approximately 1 oz remaining (melted ice cubes)
• My martini glasses were bone dry
• Wine glasses typically contained less than an oz; strong clustering of stemware appeared on my nightstand dangerously close to my ivory bed linens

Taking a weighted average cost of cleanup (WACC for short) I am defining a spill as 6.5 ounces. I then poured three separate Spill units on the floor; one for Bounty, one for the cheap CVS brand, and one as the control.

The Bounty paper towel was easily able to absorb the entire spill. Unverified hypothesis believe that Bounty could absorb 1.2 Spills per sheet. The CVS brand required a second sheet to fully absorb a spill. The full spill remained in the control group.

Doing some quick math I was able to determine that Bounty was the clear winner at 1.2 cents per spill and the CVS brand at over 1.9 cents per spill. fin.

I Watch Appallingly Bad Television

I was doing a bit of thinking recently, and I came to a realization. I watch a lot of television; one could in fact argue that I watch way too much. And you know what, most of it is pretty bad.

So here we go, a smattering of the shit that I watch, for better or worse.

Thomas The Tank Engine: Two words: Ringo Starr. You don't like those words? How about George Carlin or Alec Baldwin. This show had some great narrators, and overall was pretty amazing. The link is to a truly classic episode: Thomas and the Breakdown Train. Furthermore, it has the perks of being free on Comcast OnDemand. Amazing.

The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross: Continuing on with shows from my childhood. You might remember him as the guy who's famous for saying, "We don't make mistakes, we make happy accidents." He's just got the voice, the painting abilities, and the thing he does banging out his paintbrush on the easel to dry it off is really just one of the best things that has ever happened to me. The worst thing is that I couldn't find any clips on YouTube--apparently there's this whole 'copyright infringement' nonsense. Whatever.

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood: I really don't know when it's on anymore (similar to the Joy of Painting) but when it's on, you're damn right I watch it. The link I included is Mister Rogers' testimony to the Senate Subcommittee on Communications in 1969, urging Congress to continue funding public television. It's really heartfelt--watch it and you'll feel better about yourself. Just a genuinely nice guy, and very concerned with childhood development, Mr. Rogers was depressingly not a Navy SEAL, though that doesn't make the show any less worth watching.

The Twilight Zone: Say what you will, but this show ended production about 45 years ago and it's still brilliant. I wish I had an imagination like Rod Serling. Adding to its staying power, Twilight Zone had a ton of stars, either at the end or beginning of their careers, making for some very enticing television. I've linked to one of my favorite episodes, "To Serve Man". Just watch it.

Basically Anything on BBC America: Except, for some reason, Cash in the Attic--I just can't get into it. My favorites are Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares (The UK one, not the US one), Skins (holy shit amazing), Top Gear, and Doctor Who (don't judge); as well as How Clean is your House and You Are What You Eat. As it turns out, most of these programs are made by Channel 4, but whatever. The channel's brilliant: watch it, love it.

Educational Shows: I love The Universe on the History Channel, and basically anything on the Science Channel, National Geographic, Discovery Channel and any other learning type channel. Except TLC. I do not care for that family of like 19, for example, or the redecorating show. But seriously, if it's got Neil deGrasse Tyson or Michio Kaku (yes that is his MySpace page) I love it.

So that's a little overwhelming. Sorry for getting a little link-happy towards the end, but I just want you to know I did my research for you. I also neglected to include some of the more normal stuff I watch--SportsCenter, the news, My Super Sweet Sixteen (for more on that, see this post on the subject), because its boring, and you don't want to read about it.

And that's that. Happy 2009.

Yes we can

We did it. Barack Obama won the Presidential election and now it's time for change. No doubt having an African-American President breaks down barriers and paves the way for change. Just the type of change that Daniel Craig thinks can occur one day.

"After Barack Obama's victory I think we might have reached the moment for a coloured 007" - Daniel Craig

Thank you Barack for setting this in motion. I'm sure Daniel Craig thanks you.

Astrology is not Astronomy / Great Business Plans

I was perusing NME.com today and came across an article (http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/39944) with the headline "NASA commissions rap about Astrobiology." Jonathan Chase, the English born rapper, was selected for this momentous opportunity to accomplish NASA's goal of making "astrobiology easy to understand."

Jonathan Chase had this to say: "Being commissioned by NASA to produce the 'Astrology Rap' was a great compliment."

1) Astrology is not Astronomy. You are now confusing people, making it hard to understand

2) Astrobiology is hard to understand!! Yes, because it is astrobiology.

Dear NASA,

I hope you come to terms that Astrobiology just might be hard for some people to understand. It's ok to be who you are and you should be comfortable with that.

p.s thanks for paying for this video; I particularly liked the dancing green alien and the clip art

Daddy, when I grow up can I be a Toilet-Paper researcher?

Sure, there have been some advancements in the world of toilet paper; more sheets per roll, colors, scented. I speculate that one of the more "important" advancements in toilet paper has been 2-ply. Well, if you thought that was something special then hold on to your hat. wait..

yes, 3-ply toilet paper!!

No, that is not a typo. The amount of plys has increased by 50%. Toilet paper researchers have done it! They have toiled countless hours; dealing with the fiber matrix and the softness scale and have found a way to increase the amount of plys.

For further reading: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26759554/?gt1=43001

Diamond in the Rough

SPORTS / OLYMPICS

Weather Pattern Clears Pollution Scare

By GINA KOLATA

Published: August 14, 2008

Despite concerns about pollution affecting performances, it turns out that very little is known about whether there is such an effect and, if so, how much.
link: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/14/sports/olympics/14pollution.html

Run of the mill times article...

Boring paragraph

Boring paragraph...due to lucky weather patterns, pollution is not a problem at all in Beijing, just hype.

Blah blah blah, nothing newsworthy.

Wait for it:

"The World Anti-Doping Agency, which is supporting Rundell’s Viagra research, is considering banning it as a performance-enhancer"

That's a direct quote, from about halfway down the article. Viagra--a performance-enhancer. In other news, the sky is still blue and you do, in fact, still have to pay taxes.

Oh so emo...

No matter where you are in the world, it seems that every high school naturally segments itself into clicks and groups. Your jocks, your geeks, band kids, track stars, and of course emo.

According to a recent article by The Guardian, "Emo kids were described as teenagers who wear black, have facial piercings and black hair with fringes that "cover half the face." Certainily infringing their apathy onto others with those loose fringes.

Well Russia thinks so apparently...A new Russian law could make being an emo kid illegal. The law would regulate emo websites and ban emo and goth dress style in schools and government buildings. I hardly think throwing some teenagers in the goulag is going to brighten up Russia. How does Russia not identify with the bleakness of emo anyway; Russia is not exactly a cornucopia of colors, bright spirits, and enthusiasm. Russia, embrace your emoness; your joie de vive is your lack thereof.

Until then...

To all emo kids,

Watch your back.

-Russia

The Time 100 Most Influential People: Really?

Since 1999 Time Magazine has annually relased a list of what it deems to be the 100 most influential people in the world; composed of politicians, scientists, atheletes, artists and architects to name a few.

Much like Time Magazine the briefs on each honoree is concise, mildly witty, and is complete with a nice photo to distract you.

What it really comes down to is the real movers and shakers aren't always in the limelight, and as a result Time does not care. I'm sure Kaka is great soccer player and it's nice that Loren Ochoa cares about kids staying in schools while golfing, but something tells me they aren't influencing the world as much as Time thinks.

Where Time got it right:

1) Mark Zuckerberg: Changed model of social networking. Facebook daily attracts more and more users and is linking people at an exponential rate. Myspace remains slow, slutty, and filled with too many bad bands who just can't seem to make it.

2) Carlos Slim: The man who has more money than Bill Gates isn't on the list for shaping telecommunications, he is on for influencing social reform. Carlos isn't simply donating money, he is spearheading poverty fighting programs and using cellular technology as a type of remittance in Mexico.

3) Ratan Tata: Chairman of India's Tata Group, the man helped develop the $2,500 car. The car is blistering fast with a 0 to 43 (yes, 43) clocking in at 14 seconds and no air bag or seemingly any features. The deluxe version includes an air conditioner, but no power steering. It will spur mass motorization in the developing world, aggravate pollution, and maybe even a little climate change. That's influence.

Where did they go wrong:

This list could be much longer, for the sake of brevity let's go right to Mariah

1) Mariah Carey: Really? Really, was Time scrounging for people at this point. Were the editors stuck at 99 and Glitter turned on the television. "I can barely read, I have people for that anyway" - Mariah Carey

2) Peter Gabriel: Solsbury Hill is a good song and Genesis was certainly better with Peter on vocals. Reading his article I still don't know why he is on the list. Is a white guy from england who is interested in african music that infuential? Fact: no.

3) George Mitchell: In last week's episode of 30 Rock Jack goes to work for the Bush administration and notices a leak dripping in the office. His new colleague, played by Matthew Broderick, informs Jack that there is not a leak and he can show him the study to confirm that. George Mitchell is not listend among Putin, Clinton, and Obama. He is not listed in the leaders secition because he is listed in the Heroes and Pioneers section. Much like the fictional "Leak Negating" report in 30 rock, the mitchell report did not clean up baseball. It released some names all garnered primarily from one witnesss, who was doing the injecting himself.



Oh and the person who has made the list the most...



Oprah. (6 times, the next closest is Bush, Gates, Hillary, Steve Jobs, Condi, and Jintao at 4)

The Guilty Look-Away

I just had an epiphany. Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more I'm narrowing down my focus. Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?

I was watching Mad Men, a brilliant show about the employees, their spouses, and other romances at Sterling Cooper, a fictional 1960's advertising agency. There's this scene where Don (the main character) is sitting at the kitchen table with his wife. She tells him that her best friend found out her husband is cheating on her. (Don isn't particularly virtuous himself.) She then asks him why a man would do that to someone he loves. He looks at her, dead in the eyes, and says I don't know why.

Then I caught it. Or at the very least, I projected. He said his piece, and then just for a fraction of a second, he looked away. Didn't turn his head, he didn't even blink. Look at someone, and then imagine a clock in the distance somewhere behind that person's head. Now glance at the clock just for a second, not even enough time to process what time it was. That's the tell.

It's that one momentary lapse of concentration. It always happens. You get bored, or you think you're staring too intensely. But, damn, the second you look away, it's over. It's like you just got slimed on one of those Nickelodeon shows I used to watch. And be honest, so did you. Except instead of slime, its guilt. And it's still green, and it's all over your face.

We've all done it. I've done it, you've done it. But then I got to thinking, is this always true? (Here's where the aforementioned narrowing of the focus comes into play.) Then I realized that this is an affliction that solely affects men. I don't ever think I've seen a woman fall into this unsafe behavior. And I don't think I've ever done the look-away on another guy. So the Guilty Look-Away. Only to be used by men, on women.

Why is that? Why don't women do it? Well probably because they're smarter, more in control, and better liars. And why don't men do it to other men? Well, my guess is that extended eye contact between guys just gets awkward. We usually have talks while doing other things. Like having a beer watching a football game. Or having a beer at the bar. Or perhaps even having a beer rebuilding that '63 Mustang that's been sitting in the garage for the last 10 years. The point is men don't have a great deal of eye contact with other men. I don't really know why.

And that is precisely why we're complete rubbish at it. Maybe we're not very well practiced, or maybe men have some innate inability to be competent liars. Or maybe we just feel bad about what we've done.

Regardless, at one point or another, we have all performed the Guilty Look-Away or at least witnessed one first hand.