Random Stories of the last Week

A bunch of rather bizarre occurrences happened to me over the last few weeks, and I thought I would take the time out of my busy day to share them with you, my loyal reader.

Lets begin with Drunk Metro Girl, a fable about a girl, on the metro, not even the tiniest bit sober.

What makes this story so interesting (or bizarre, or both), is the setting. It takes place between the Foggy Bottom metro stop and McPherson Square. At around 8:45 in the morning. The train was crowded, but not packed. For most of the ride she was just standing, staring at nothing with a smile fixed on her face. She was standing next to the right-hand exit, i was standing across from her, on the left.

For a while, I thought she was high on meth or some equally worthless street drug. (While not homeless, this woman was obviously not well dressed, she was also probably early 20's).

Between Farragut West and McPherson Square, the train stopped--not an uncommon event given the frequency of trains running in the morning. Our protagonist immediately begins shouting "head on!" to the whole car. For a while, I didn't understand what she was saying, then suddenly it clicked.

She was cackling, literally cackling like an old evil witch in between her bouts of shouting. Then, and I can't say when the rest of the car figured out, i realized she was hoping for a head-on collision of trains. Wow.

Finally the train starts moving again, and we pull into McPherson Square. She looks disappointed. She sets out a sigh signaling her disappointment that we are all still alive. As the first person off, Our Heroine informs me that I am not worthy to get off. Pushing past her, I may or may not have made a comment about her level of intoxication and what time it was. She may or may not have jumped out of the train, yelled "What the fuck did you just say to me" and then get at least part of her body (I heard her yell "Oh Shit") stuck in the closing doors. The very same doors that the voice of the Metro tells you to stand clear of.

There's no real good end to this story, so I'm just going to stop it here. It amused me, and really, that's all that matters.

Story #2, much shorter, and once again, more of an anecdote than a story:
A Loan to a Homeless Man

I was walking down the street the other day, when this man I know to be homeless asked me if he could borrow 50 cents. Though I just kind of shrugged my shoulders in that "no" kind of way, I had a couple questions I was dying to ask.

1. Do you have any collateral to put up for this loan?
2. Do you have a cosigner?

I also planned to ask for his personal information to perform a credit check, but alas, I never got around to any of these things.

Closing up my delightful anecdote, I wonder if he has better luck "borrowing" money than he does just asking for hand outs.

Then again, who am I to judge, maybe he does really give it back.

Entourage D.C.

While some Entourage fans may think they know everything about the show, a little known fact is that Executive Producer Mark Wahlberg actually pitched the idea to George Bush and his entourage first. Although most of these original episodes have been lost, the team from SuperNews has recreated one of the best episodes just for Current.

Not Cool, Technology

There are a lot of ways to communicate with other human beings in today's society. One can text, call, email, IM, or Google Chat. Hell, you can even Facebook message should you so desire.

Unfortunately, at work, there are limited options for communicating with the outside world (or worse, keeping yourself entertained). I am fortunate enough to be able to use any means at my disposal, but not all are so fortunate. Therefore, the vast majority of my time here at work is consumed by two sources: Google Chat and Facebook.

This week, both of them shit the bed.

It started off with GChat. One second, we're all talking having a grand old time, the next thing you know, we were trapped in Google limbo, able to connect to the GChat application, but unable to even start a conversation, let alone chat with several people.

And then, not even 48 hours later, the unthinkable happened: Facebook crashed. All around the world, interns were forced to do real work, walls could not be posted to and *gasp* pictures from that totally awesome party last night could not be posted. It was a catastrophe.

Suddenly, like Hurricane Katrina, as soon as this glitch appeared, it vanished. World order was restored, the flood waters were receding, and the looting was returning to normal levels.

I guess there's really only one lesson to take away from this week of weeks. The real world really is just like Office Space.

The Coolest Picture I've Seen All Day

I stole this from the New York Times, it was taken at La Guardia on June 14

(click on the image for full size)

This Makes Me Sick

ADVERTISING

Pigs With Cellphones, but No Condoms

By ANDREW ADAM NEWMAN

Published: June 18, 2007

Fox, which along with CBS rejected a Trojan commercial, said that “contraceptive advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy.”
Click Here to Read (pops)

The article talks about a new ad campaign that Trojan Condoms is putting out. Two out of the four networks rejected the advertisement, not because it was lewd, but because promoted the anti-pregnancy aspects of condoms (rather than the health aspects).

What?

The reasoning behind this ridiculous situation is that the networks apparently think that these condom ads are "controversial for religious and moral reasons." This also includes late-night TV, where commercials about small penis Enzyte Bob run rampant.

According to Shari'a Law, Muslims are not allowed to drink alcohol. That doesn't deter the networks from showing beer and alcohol commercials--not to mention those awful Disorono commercials.

Why should it be any different with condoms? If you're going to have sex, use Trojan, the commercial says. Its the exact message as Budweiser or Smirnoff send--if you're going to drink, drink our product.

Claiming that advertising condoms are going to make more people have sex is akin to saying that teaching safer sex in schools will get more people pregnant. It's completely ridiculous.

And when did the networks decide it was their responsibility to teach America morals? I'm sure after shows like "The Bachelor" and that one where women get plastic surgery (Extreme Makeover maybe? ), these people have a lot of credibility to dictate morals to us. On late-night TV no less.

Brilliant.

This is Awful

I am sorry, young man, that you are a virgin. I am also sorry that you have never had a girlfriend, and that your friends thought it would be funny to announce all of this information to the world.
But I'm not sorry I called you and found out it was a fake number. Bastard.

J Street Gets Changed Around Again!

I was sent this (pops) fascinating article in the GW Hatchet Online about how J Street is changing around this year. I swear that I've read this article somewhere before. About how they were doing the exact same thing for the 06-07 school year. Oh wait, I did, and so can you by clicking here (pops).

The article explains that we were severing our contract with Aramark and switching to Sodexo because Aramark didn't understand our needs. As it turns out, Sodexo doesn't understand our needs either.

Two thoughts:
1. Ask the students what they want. Because lets be honest, GW Administration, you have absolutely no idea. And don't do something typically GW and put surveys in J-Street. It's not those kids whose ideas you value. It's the 90% of the school that doesn't go there. Don't email either, because I delete GW emails on principle.

2. Stop charging such high rent! J Street loses so many good options because GW has unrealistically high expectations of their contractors. First, reduce GWorld commissions to something reasonable, like 3%. Right now, according to one vendor, they're hovering around 12.5% of a sale. Thats exorbitant. It's also keeping out smaller vendors that cannot afford to take that kind of margin cut.

We'll check in next year to see if GW can go three years in a row of royally fucking up our dining options.

Condi Rice Raps

The funniest thing you'll see in a long time.