This is the commercial for a new show on the Fox News Channel. And they have the nerve to call themselves fair and balanced. OK, now I really have to go write my paper.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
An Addendum to the Previously Posted Open letter.
I forgot about this gem, and I guess I'm only posting it because I don't believe that it's true.
I have good grammar, you pompous bullshit artist. If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't be so mad about that comment.
P.S. (that stands for post script, but I'm sure you already knew that)
Next time, please stop using so many $5 words. Especially in your case, 50-cent words work just fine. Ass.
"The grammar is terrible. Sentences range from run-on to stunted and awkward"Really, you think I have a problem with my grammar, maybe I should read it a little more thoroughly and carefully, but then again who has the time to do such things as that. Maybe you do. Maybe go fuck yourself.
I have good grammar, you pompous bullshit artist. If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't be so mad about that comment.
P.S. (that stands for post script, but I'm sure you already knew that)
Next time, please stop using so many $5 words. Especially in your case, 50-cent words work just fine. Ass.
Monday, February 12, 2007
An Open Letter to the person who peer-edited my paper.
Dear Asshole,
The purpose of constructive criticism is to help a person get better at their paper, not by jabbing at them to make yourself feel better.
I would be fired if I wrote something like this? I have written something like this before. Actually several times. Uh oh, that was a fragment sentence, I guess my blog should be deleted. Guess what? I wasn't fired! My boss read it, and liked it!
But wait, you say, I am using a completely incorrect tone. My sentence structure isn't perfect, and I'm using *gasp* colloquial phrases. But in college, they taught us to only use bland, semi-articulate language so that the reader decides it's a better use of his time to wipe his ass with the paper than finish it.
You often mention a study that I cite throughout the FIRST DRAFT OF MY PAPER. Odd, I didn't mention any study while I was writing it, nor did I find any reference to a study when I re-read it.
In case you cannot read that, let me help you out. "Damaged throughout by numerous perforations or holes." I wish I knew what was riddling my paper, but because you didn't define the pronoun in the sentence, I guess we'll never know. Because the document sure as shit wasn't full of holes.
That's a valid point you make, I didn't explain whether my news sources had a purported liberal or conservative slant. TOO FUCKING BAD ITS THE NEW YORK TIMES AND FOX NEWS. Have you had your head in the sand for the last 18 to 21 years of your miserable life. Everybody prominent says this. In case you're still lost, The New York Times has a liberal slant, and Fox News has a conservative bias. Fascinating use of language right there, slant vs. bias, but I'll discuss that in another post.
Quite simply, if you don't know by now that The New York Times is left leaning and Fox News is right, then you do not deserve to go to this school any longer.
Let me now take the time to reiterate what I just wrote. I learned how to do this in third grade for the 5 paragraph essay prompts. I don't like doing this in my papers, which you pointed out, because it's repetitive, and guess what? I already said everything I'm about to say in the conclusion.
In conclusion, go fuck yourself, you pompous, arrogant fuck. Maybe if you took the time to grow a pair and get out of your one track 'Scholarly Research Paper' mentality that is about as narrow-minded as George Bush's Iraq strategy, we could be friends.
But until then, I hate you.
Sincerely Yours,
Jordan Weil.
The purpose of constructive criticism is to help a person get better at their paper, not by jabbing at them to make yourself feel better.
"The tone of your paper is completely inappropriate. This is not intended to be a conversation with your boss...If you had actually composed this paper in the workplace you would be fired."Sir, you are poorly mistaken. The purpose of this school is not to get a degree in writing Legalese, and boring inter-office memos that get placed into the circular file without so much as a second glance.
I would be fired if I wrote something like this? I have written something like this before. Actually several times. Uh oh, that was a fragment sentence, I guess my blog should be deleted. Guess what? I wasn't fired! My boss read it, and liked it!
But wait, you say, I am using a completely incorrect tone. My sentence structure isn't perfect, and I'm using *gasp* colloquial phrases. But in college, they taught us to only use bland, semi-articulate language so that the reader decides it's a better use of his time to wipe his ass with the paper than finish it.
You often mention a study that I cite throughout the FIRST DRAFT OF MY PAPER. Odd, I didn't mention any study while I was writing it, nor did I find any reference to a study when I re-read it.
"Your paper is riddled with things such as this."How can my paper be riddled with anything?
In case you cannot read that, let me help you out. "Damaged throughout by numerous perforations or holes." I wish I knew what was riddling my paper, but because you didn't define the pronoun in the sentence, I guess we'll never know. Because the document sure as shit wasn't full of holes.
"An example is the statement of liberal or conservative bias in your two media sources. This is not a given. Did someone prominent say this?"
That's a valid point you make, I didn't explain whether my news sources had a purported liberal or conservative slant. TOO FUCKING BAD ITS THE NEW YORK TIMES AND FOX NEWS. Have you had your head in the sand for the last 18 to 21 years of your miserable life. Everybody prominent says this. In case you're still lost, The New York Times has a liberal slant, and Fox News has a conservative bias. Fascinating use of language right there, slant vs. bias, but I'll discuss that in another post.
Quite simply, if you don't know by now that The New York Times is left leaning and Fox News is right, then you do not deserve to go to this school any longer.
Let me now take the time to reiterate what I just wrote. I learned how to do this in third grade for the 5 paragraph essay prompts. I don't like doing this in my papers, which you pointed out, because it's repetitive, and guess what? I already said everything I'm about to say in the conclusion.
In conclusion, go fuck yourself, you pompous, arrogant fuck. Maybe if you took the time to grow a pair and get out of your one track 'Scholarly Research Paper' mentality that is about as narrow-minded as George Bush's Iraq strategy, we could be friends.
But until then, I hate you.
Sincerely Yours,
Jordan Weil.
Something I Think we all already knew....
A buddy told me about this the other day, I find it humorous.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Golf Lesson, or Wishful Thinking
"You are gripping the club too tightly" said the pro.
"Well, what should I do?" asked the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's
breast."
Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards
straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife
the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson.
The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and
said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asked the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and,
THUMP! -- the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said. "Now,
lets get that club out of your mouth and into your hands..."
"Well, what should I do?" asked the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's
breast."
Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards
straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife
the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson.
The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and
said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asked the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and,
THUMP! -- the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said. "Now,
lets get that club out of your mouth and into your hands..."
Friday, January 12, 2007
Everything that is Wrong with America...and then some
(I wrote this post on the plane back from London)
They say that nothing good is ever on airline TV. I disagree. Today I watched two excellent movies, The Last King of Scotland and All the King’s Horses. I guess you could say that I was in a political mood today. Regardless, that’s not what I’m writing about.
With less than the time it takes to watch a full movie, I decided to turn on a TV show, and selected 30 Days: Binge Drinking. Two words: Fuck you Morgan Spurlocker. Ok that’s four words. Anyway, we follow this suburban housewife that doesn’t drink and see the effects of her binge drinking for 30 days. Morgan informs us that binge drinking is four drinks in two hours. Ok, not a problem, except that the daughter is a total sorority slut and mom is an extreme lightweight. P.S. this takes place at Arizona State.
The premise of this show is that college students are alcoholics and we need to change the system. Yeah well you guys did it too.
On the first night, Mom drinks a bottle of wine in two hours, and gets pretty hammered. She then throws up in the middle of the night, and was a complete disaster the whole next day. Yes, if that happened to all us college students, that would be a problem. Also, mom, your life is very boring. An exact quote from the show: “Mom’s life went from housework and exercise to drinking and hangovers”. Shit, that sounds like an upgrade to me.
Oh here’s an update. The nurse that Mom goes to in order to see how she’s holding up is a recovered alcoholic. Wow, sounds just a little set up to me.
The show keeps talking about how mom isn’t showing the dangers of drinking to her kid. Maybe it’s because ‘*gasp* drinking isn’t bad for you. I must say, though, Daughter is pretty hot, but daughter’s friend has a pretty bad nosejob.
My god, I think this is just about the least convincing argument to stop drinking ever. And daughter agrees. The worst part is, the majority of the time, mom looks like she’s having an absolutely fantastic time when she goes out, with a voiceover saying this is bad. You know how to reduce binge drinking, let kids drink younger. American youth have the rate of alcoholism ever. And we also have the highest drinking age, with the exception of one of those Mid-Eastern nations that doesn’t allow women to drive.
I had a very interesting conversation with a publord in Paris. Yeah, that’s right, I go all the way to Paris and find the one Scottish pub to sit in for 4 hours. Shocking, I know. So we’re sitting there, and all of a sudden these French schoolchildren just walk on in and sit down. They don’t drink. They don’t try. The drinking age is 16 there, and they don’t even try to break it. The publord told me that they try to get them to drink, but they don’t. So what I learned out of that is responsible drinking from a younger age will foster responsible drinking habits throughout life. It’s this reactionary conservative propaganda that is the reason that the system is changing. There, that’s right, Morgan Spurlocker, your show added to the binge drinking culture, and strengthened it. The complete opposite of what you wanted to do. Why? Because you’re an idiot.
They say that nothing good is ever on airline TV. I disagree. Today I watched two excellent movies, The Last King of Scotland and All the King’s Horses. I guess you could say that I was in a political mood today. Regardless, that’s not what I’m writing about.
With less than the time it takes to watch a full movie, I decided to turn on a TV show, and selected 30 Days: Binge Drinking. Two words: Fuck you Morgan Spurlocker. Ok that’s four words. Anyway, we follow this suburban housewife that doesn’t drink and see the effects of her binge drinking for 30 days. Morgan informs us that binge drinking is four drinks in two hours. Ok, not a problem, except that the daughter is a total sorority slut and mom is an extreme lightweight. P.S. this takes place at Arizona State.
The premise of this show is that college students are alcoholics and we need to change the system. Yeah well you guys did it too.
On the first night, Mom drinks a bottle of wine in two hours, and gets pretty hammered. She then throws up in the middle of the night, and was a complete disaster the whole next day. Yes, if that happened to all us college students, that would be a problem. Also, mom, your life is very boring. An exact quote from the show: “Mom’s life went from housework and exercise to drinking and hangovers”. Shit, that sounds like an upgrade to me.
Oh here’s an update. The nurse that Mom goes to in order to see how she’s holding up is a recovered alcoholic. Wow, sounds just a little set up to me.
The show keeps talking about how mom isn’t showing the dangers of drinking to her kid. Maybe it’s because ‘*gasp* drinking isn’t bad for you. I must say, though, Daughter is pretty hot, but daughter’s friend has a pretty bad nosejob.
My god, I think this is just about the least convincing argument to stop drinking ever. And daughter agrees. The worst part is, the majority of the time, mom looks like she’s having an absolutely fantastic time when she goes out, with a voiceover saying this is bad. You know how to reduce binge drinking, let kids drink younger. American youth have the rate of alcoholism ever. And we also have the highest drinking age, with the exception of one of those Mid-Eastern nations that doesn’t allow women to drive.
I had a very interesting conversation with a publord in Paris. Yeah, that’s right, I go all the way to Paris and find the one Scottish pub to sit in for 4 hours. Shocking, I know. So we’re sitting there, and all of a sudden these French schoolchildren just walk on in and sit down. They don’t drink. They don’t try. The drinking age is 16 there, and they don’t even try to break it. The publord told me that they try to get them to drink, but they don’t. So what I learned out of that is responsible drinking from a younger age will foster responsible drinking habits throughout life. It’s this reactionary conservative propaganda that is the reason that the system is changing. There, that’s right, Morgan Spurlocker, your show added to the binge drinking culture, and strengthened it. The complete opposite of what you wanted to do. Why? Because you’re an idiot.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Life Sucks
Probably the last YouTube post for a while. But this kills me. Probably doesn't promote the right reasons for drinking but promotes drinking nonetheless. Good fight, good night.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Old iPod Commercial
I think this might be the first iPod Commercial. It seems like it came out so long ago, yet it was only five years. I don't know if anyone at Apple thought iPods were going to get as big as they did. Thought this was pretty cool.
On a side note, I'm becoming increasingly technologically advanced in my blog. Look, a video! And not yesterday I discovered how to make a link pop into a new window! Wow, these internets really are pretty neat. Anyway I noticed that recently I've been posting more than I usually do. I don't really know why.
Done.
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